I have been advised to not use real names in the interest of potential liability. Therefore, all names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty, the winners as well as the losers. If you recognize yourself, don’t blame me. Let’s start with the losers:
Vampire
We had some great times together, especially during Mardi Gras on Hollywood Beach. Standing me up on my birthday wasn’t very nice and the only reason he is on the “losers” list. We dated a few times a year ago and reconnected in February. I was two hours late for a lunch date once last year but he was really sweet about it. I guess he could be either a “dumper” or a “dumpee”.
The Professer The most recent “dumper”. He had so much going for him – looks, personality, intelligence, class. He’s a college professor, professional underwater photographer with works in local galleries, and an “on air personality” with NPR radio. What he didn’t have was tolerance. He’s lived alone most of his life and is looking for perfection. He’s been a bachelor for 45 of his 50 years. We were highly incompatible. On a trip to Key Largo, he informs me that he needs some “personal time”. Fortunately, I had my car and was able to take off. Two problems – I was low on gas (he had offered to buy me a tank of gas), and I didn’t know how to get home. I just kept heading north and east but ended up taking the absolute worst route.
The Trucker
Lunch and only lunch – with our respective pooches, Ginger and Sophia. I find out he’s got a steady girlfriend after chatting and texting for two weeks. Then he forwards stupid jokes to my phone on a regular basis. I had to tell this “Dumpee” to delete my phone number.
The Musician Poor little guy. He couldn’t help it that he was so short and fat. A sweet person who didn’t want to be “just friends”. The day he took me out to lunch at an Israeli restaurant was the next to the last straw. He showed up in sweatpants and bedroom slippers. The last straw was the night he was playing in downtown Hollywood. He insisted in making out on a park bench in plain sight of the entire world. If anyone I knew had seen us, I would have died of mortification. I wish him the best always, though.
AND THE WINNERS FOR THIS QUARTER ARE:
JC Having loved him for almost 20 years, he has been a winner and always will be. Maybe this year will be the one we will see one another again after over 15 years apart. He’ll always have a piece of my heart.
MO Another winner, he has been in my life for over two years and knows me better than my own mother. Some of the best times have been with him and I am proud to call him my friend and…
Gypsy Best girlfriend in Florida. A nudist and a beautiful woman inside and out. We know that we can always count on one another. And boy have we had some adventures! One day we were at Haulover and she went walking with some guy and when she returned, another guy, Ken, was sitting with me. He was clothed and, upon being questioned by Gypsy, admitted that he didn’t want to take off his clothes because of a certain body part being too small. We battered and berated the poor guy to death. I doubt that we’ll ever run into him again but it was so funny. Everything we talked about ended up in him launching into a Frank Sinatra song. (You hadda be there)
Barbie Friends since jr. high school in Charlotte, our bond will never be broken. Although we were out of touch for almost 35 years or so, we have picked up our friendship right where it left off. I love her dearly. We returned to Charlotte for our 40th Myers Park High School reunion. It was held at Myers Park Country Club, which was my summer hangout when I visited my grandparents. We couldn’t believe how many fat, bald men were in attendance. We only knew one other person and she was a shallow snob. And we were best friends! Go figure.
Jimbo My special “man-friend”, we do things together when neither of us has plans with someone else. Unfortunately, he has been extremely lucky in love this quarter and I haven’t seen him since before Christmas. He’s off for a week in April and we plan to get together to make up for lost time. He’s polishing up the jet ski.
The Firefighter My hot number from up north. He’s not really a firefighter by profession but he is a volunteer rescue diver. He makes me feel like a million bucks every time we’re together. Oh – and he’s built like a fireman! I forget how old/young he is but I know he’s just a few years older than Charlene.
Looking back, I must admit that the past three months haven’t been very pleasant. The year started with me sick in bed with some kind of bug that took almost three months to shake off! Charlene had her 40th birthday party and the girls all had a great time. She must have grown up when I wasn’t watching. I drowned my camera in a jet ski incident. My laptop crashed and I moved from Miami Beach to Hollywood. Then I lost my job and filed for unemployment and social security. Could things possibly get any worse? I’m happy to know that there’s always a silver lining. And the Laws of Attraction.
Most of January was spent moving and rearranging my priorities. After all, I was unemployed and officially retired. I contacted the Red Cross to get my chapter affiliation changed, I believe that I’ve completed all of my Red Cross Training that’s mandatory. They don’t have a Pet First Aid program here. Maybe I can start one! I also contacted the Pompano Beach Fire Department to see how to get on their CERT team. (Community Emergency Response Team) I’m “graduating” in June where I will receive my badge.
Valentine’s Day was a bit of a bust, although MO took me out for a nice dinner and a club the week-end before and I had Chilean sea bass for the first time. Yum! In March, I went to the Mardi Gras celebrations on Hollywood Beach with Vampire and ate crawfish and corn on the cob. It was so much fun that I went back on Fat Tuesday by myself for more crawfish and corn. The problem was that it was very cold. In March, I went to a club called “Lips” with Vampire. It was a riot – all of the waiters were men dressed up like women. The food was mediocre, at best, but the prices were reasonable and the entertainment was a hoot! Also in March, I helped coach tennis at the Special Olympics Broward County Games.
The weather hasn’t been particularly nice - all three months have been cool and cloudy. There were only a few beach days the whole quarter. Fortunately, Gypsy and I were able to go to Haulover a couple of times and pick up a little color. Of course, it faded quickly as more cool weather prevailed until the end of March. I hooked up with The Firefighter a few times, which is always special. Mmmm Champagne and Chinese! Burgers at Ocean Alley. What a guy! What a body! What a view from his condo!
That pretty brings things up to speed. As I’m writing this, it is the 1st day of April, 2009. I wonder what this next quarter will hold. Charles is coming down to visit me for a couple of weeks this summer, so I should have some exciting pictures to share. I’m getting him a good mask and snorkel for his birthday and will have him breathing from a regulator by the time he leaves. I’m hoping we can get a little place in the Keys for a week. Time will tell. I’ll keep ya posted!
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